When reality and idealism collide...

Tonight was one of those moments when reality and idealism collide.  As we drove home tonight from Colorado, Paul read an email listing the funds we need to have right now.  I thought we would have til the end of July.  Adoption is weird in that there are not specific deadlines, it is more like... when this piece of paperwork hits so and so's desk we need a check for $17,000.  The agency is trying to rush our file, which is awesome but our finances are holding us back.   I am completely overwhelmed with conflicting emotions.  I am so very grateful for the ways God has provided so far in this adoption process and I'm overwhelmed by the amount of money we still need.  Honestly as of yet, we have been able to make every payment at the time it was needed.  I'm so tired of everything being about money, I hate it.  But we can't do this without money.  I wish there wasn't a price tag on these boys but there is.  On the drive, I let my thoughts get lost in the great expanse of sky and land before me as I fought the back the tears, and I thought of Job and the moment when the LORD reminds him of who he is.

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell me, if you have understanding.

Who determined its measurements - surely you know?

On what were its bases sunk

or who stretched the line upon it?

On what were its bases sunk

or who laid its cornerstone, 

when the morning stars sang together

and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Job 38:4-7

He used this to remind me of truth.... He chose these boys and He chose our family.  He has provided every cent thus far and he will provide every cent until we have them.  Tears continue to stream down my face because I want it now.  I want it now, because the sooner we have the funds the sooner we have them.  We need $9,000 as soon as possible.  Will you pray with us that God would provide this?  I know He will, but I also know that He needed to remind me that it is him not me that is accomplishing this mission.  Will you also pray that we will be content with God's timing?  Thank you to all of you that have helped us and supported us and prayed for us and walked with us and asked us about the boys and the process and encouraged us!  We love you!

Check out this song, it has been my prayer.... I want to be your hands and feet to these 2 boys, all for your kingdom's sake.